Hey Bobby, guess what? I cancelled the card, ordered a new one, a total pain. And then I opened up my purse and there it was, right on top. Someone should just shoot me now.
Woman in cellphone

Dude, I don’t want to. I can’t afford that. Besides, it’s over before you know it.
Young couple

I stopped talking to a lot of people because, you know, a lot of people say they’re your friend but when you really need them they all fucking ghost.
Couple sitting on bench

When you use words like “affirming,” “comforting,” and “nurturing,” I want to punch you right in your god damned face.
Man to woman

I said that’s a nice phone. He said it’s for sale. 35 bucks. I was like fuck yes. Put it in the box, caught a charge. How’m I supposed to know it’s stolen, right? 35 bucks.
Three young women

Shelburne Farms is pretty boring, but I’ll go out there for the cheese.
Three teens on a bench

Friends like these

GIRL 1: What would you do without me?
GIRL 2: Well, I'd still have a boyfriend, for one.
GIRL 1: Yeah.

I wish this kid would just fuckin sleep.
Two women smoking and pushing strollers

You can say up and down that you’re pregnant, all day long. But there’s a fuckin ton of dudes who’ll try and get out of it.
Two men walking briskly

I’m tellin you, bitch. If you take a 6 inch rusty nail and put it in a 2 liter bottle of Diet Coke, that shit’ll be eaten up and gone in 24 hours. That’s my word.
Two men walking bikes